As new parents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to get your baby sleeping soundly. Whether bombarded with conflicting tips from family and friends, guilted by ‘perfect parenting’ shown on social media or weighed down by your own expectations, the world of baby sleep can be daunting.
But help is at hand! Our resident Sleep Expert, Imogen, is here to bust common baby sleep myths and call out unrealistic expectations whilst offering practical advice to help navigate your baby’s sleep journey—reminding you that, ultimately, finding what works best for you and your baby is key.
“Baby sleep is one of the biggest sources of stress for parents—not just because of the sleepless nights, but because of all the expectations placed on their shoulders. Whether it’s advice from well-meaning family members, comparisons on social media, or pressure from work, parents are often made to feel like they need to ‘fix’ their baby’s sleep. But the truth? Baby sleep is biologically normal, constantly changing, and doesn’t fit into a one-size-fits-all approach.
Let’s break down some of these expectations, where they come from, and what parents can do to set more realistic, supportive goals for themselves and their baby's sleep!
The Expectations Parents Face
1. Our Own Expectations
Before we even get to external pressures, many parents start with their own internal expectations about sleep. This might come from books, online research, or simply believing that their baby ‘should’ be sleeping a certain way. Common thoughts include:
- “By now, my baby should be sleeping through the night.”
- “If I do everything right, my baby will sleep perfectly.”
- “I need to teach my baby to be independent.”
Reality Check: Baby sleep isn’t linear. Some babies sleep in long stretches early on, while others take longer. Instead of focusing on what sleep “should” look like, shift the focus to what helps your baby feel secure and well-rested—even if that means night wakes, contact naps, or rocking to sleep.
2. Expectations from Family and Friends
Well-meaning family members often offer unsolicited advice on baby sleep, usually based on their own experiences. You might hear things like:
- “You need to let the baby cry, or they’ll never learn.”
- “I fed you rice cereal at 8 weeks, and you slept all night.”
- “You’re making a rod for your own back by rocking them to sleep.”
What You Can Say:
- “We’re following what works for our family right now.”
- “Every baby is different, and we’re happy with how things are going.”
- “Research has changed a lot since then, and we’re focusing on responsive sleep support.”
Sometimes, a simple but confident response can end the conversation before it turns into a power struggle.
3. Expectations from Work and Social Media
Returning to work while managing a baby's sleep can feel overwhelming, and social media often doesn’t help. You might see posts about babies who “sleep through the night” from 8 weeks or parents who seem to have it all figured out. Meanwhile, you’re functioning on broken sleep and wondering what you’re doing wrong.
What Helps:
- Unfollow unrealistic accounts that make you feel pressured. Instead, follow people who normalise real infant sleep and make you feel good!
- Communicate with your employer about flexible options—workplaces may be open to adjusting schedules for new parents.
Give yourself grace. You’re not failing if your baby still wakes at night. Adjust expectations to what’s manageable for your family.
The Reality of Baby Sleep
Now that we’ve tackled the myths, let’s look at the realities of baby sleep that we often experience and what can actually help.
1. Myth: “Good babies sleep through the night early.”
Reality: Night waking is biologically normal and protective! Even at 12 months, many babies still wake at least once for comfort or food.
What Helps: Instead of aiming for an unrealistic 12-hour stretch, work on managing sleep across 24 hours and setting the stage. You can do this by ensuring baby is fed, comfortable, co-regulated to a place of calm before sleep, and sleeps in a conducive environment.
2. Myth: “If your baby isn’t sleeping well, you’re doing something wrong.”
Reality: Sleep is developmental and influenced by so many factors. It is not a reflection of your parenting ability! Some babies naturally sleep longer stretches early, while others need more support.
What Helps: Remember that babies have different personalities (Orchid; more sensitive and Dandelion; more hardy). Focus on gentle sleep strategies that suit your baby’s temperament—this could mean motion naps, contact naps, or co-sleeping (safely!).
3. Myth: “You should never feed or cuddle your baby to sleep.”
Reality: Feeding and cuddling to sleep is a normal, biological process that promotes bonding and security. Babies will naturally become more independent over time. There is no rush to stop this in order to sleep better, as feeding is often the most effective way to support sleep.
What Helps: If you want to gradually reduce dependence on feeding to sleep, try layering in other sleep cues like white noise, patting, or rocking so your little one has multiple sleep associations.
4. Myth: “Early bedtime always means better sleep.”
Reality: While an overly late bedtime can cause overtiredness, a too-early bedtime can actually cause early rising. It’s about balance.
What Helps: Watch your baby’s wake windows and total daily sleep to find a bedtime that suits their natural rhythm.
Success in baby sleep isn’t about achieving 12-hour nights or a perfect schedule—it’s about finding what works for your baby and your family.
- Some babies need extra support, and that’s okay.
- Some seasons will be harder, and that’s normal.
- You are not failing if your baby still wakes at night.
The best thing you can do? Drown out the noise, set your own goals, and trust that your baby’s sleep will evolve with time.
For more baby sleep tips and advice, check out our sleep hub, which is packed with helpful resources, and—most of all—remember: you’re doing an amazing job!”
