This Father’s Day, our ‘Note to Dad’ campaign is shining a light on what often goes unsaid. It’s a reflection on the real experience of fatherhood - the brilliant, the challenging, and everything in between. It’s a reminder that being a dad doesn’t mean having all the answers or carrying the load alone, and an opportunity to remind you dads just how valued you are, especially during the tougher parts of the parenting journey.
In support, our resident baby sleep experts, Gem and Eve of Calm & Bright explore one of the most overlooked aspects of early parenthood for dads: sleep deprivation. They discuss how the mental and physical toll of broken nights can impact fathers in ways that are rarely talked about, and why it’s so important to share those struggles and seek support.
The piece ends with their own heartfelt ‘Note to Dads’ - a few kind words that will make many feel seen, heard and appreciated.
Dads, You Deserve Rest Too
When people picture those blurry newborn days, the conversation often turns to sleepless nights. But a dad's perspective is hardly ever focused on. So, at this significant time of the year, we’re taking time to pause and turn the spotlight where it rarely shines…on dads.
You might already know about the impact that sleep deprivation has on new mums. But research shows the effects on fathers are just as significant.
Lack of sleep isn’t just about feeling tired - it shakes your confidence, fogs your focus, and wears down your ability to stay present and connected. It can test your patience and leave you running on empty - mentally, emotionally, and physically.
And the tricky part? Dads are often less likely to talk about it.
Whether it’s the pressure to ‘stay strong’, to carry the load, to provide financially, to support your partner through their own exhaustion, to carry on performing at work, or to simply hold everything together, many dads end up battling to keep it all together in silence. But silence brings struggle.
Here’s the thing: struggling doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. There’s real strength in recognising when things are tough, and even more in reaching out for support. You need and deserve rest just as much as anyone else. Rest is not just a female need; it is a human need. Just like everyone else in your family, you deserve care, too. To be seen, heard, appreciated and supported. And just like every human being on the planet, you deserve to feel emotionally balanced and mentally well.
The Hidden Toll of Sleeplessness on Dads
The effect of broken sleep on fathers is serious, with a direct impact on physical and mental health.
A systematic review published in the British Journal of Midwifery reports that approximately 10% of new fathers in the UK experience postnatal depression. Despite this significant prevalence, the actual figures are expected to be much higher, as PPND remains under-recognised and under-treated. The study emphasises that fathers are often not routinely screened for postnatal depression, leading to many cases going undiagnosed and untreated.
Rates of paternal depression climb significantly when sleep is broken. And many more dads deal with high levels of anxiety, stress, and burnout. Like new mums, sleep-deprived dads are more vulnerable to low mood, emotional overwhelm, and difficulty coping with day-to-day life.
The most common cause of death in the UK for men under 50 is suicide. Sleep deprivation significantly increases risk factors for this, contributing to depression, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness.
Most crucially, men are less likely to seek help or speak about their mental health struggles, especially after becoming fathers.
And it doesn’t stop at mental wellbeing - sleep deprivation takes a huge toll on physical health too.
Chronic sleep loss affects testosterone and fertility. Just one week of poor sleep can reduce testosterone levels by 15%. A study in Medical Science Monitor found men with poor sleep had lower sperm quality and fertility potential.
Sleep-deprived brains function similarly to drunk ones. After 17–19 hours without sleep, physical performance is equivalent to someone with a blood alcohol level of 0.05%. This has direct impact on safety and wellbeing.
Add childcare, work pressure, and emotional strain within relationships (not to mention the eternal ‘who is more tired’ competition that parents of young families find themselves in), and it’s no wonder dads can feel like they’re hanging on by a thread.
Unfortunately, dads often reach crisis before seeking help; less likely to talk about feeling low or overwhelmed.
Sleep isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s essential. And when your sleep is compromised, your body and mind feel the strain.
Men and Mental Health - Let’s Talk About It
Even before fatherhood, men are statistically less likely to talk openly about their mental or emotional wellbeing. Add to that the identity shift of becoming a parent - the pressure, the sleep loss, the constant demands - and it’s no surprise that many dads bottle it all up.
But the idea that strength means silence is outdated. Being open about how you’re really doing doesn’t make you any less of a man. In fact, it’s a sign of courage and self-awareness.
There is real strength in vulnerability. There is wisdom in asking for help. And when you take care of your mental health, it doesn’t just benefit you - it benefits your entire family.
Dads, you are not just a sidekick or a supporting role. You’re the main character in your family’s life. The part you have to play matters so much.
In those early months, it’s easy to feel like the ‘helper’ or the ‘backup.’ But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You are not a spare pair of hands.
You are not just the one who takes over when needed.
And you are certainly not less important because you didn’t give birth.
You are a central, powerful, and irreplaceable part of your little one’s world. You get to model what caring for yourself as a man looks like. The more rested and supported you are, the more you can bring to the table - not just in doing, but in being. In presence. In patience. In connection and in love.
When you sleep better, you connect better. When you feel well, your resilience returns. When you’re emotionally topped up, you show up more fully - not just for your little one, but for your partner and for yourself too.
Getting Help Isn’t a Weakness. It’s a Strength.
If you’re reading this and thinking, ‘That sounds familiar, but I should just power through - everyone’s tired,’ we want you to know: we get it. You’ve been programmed to get on with it. But we also want to gently challenge that idea.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and power - protecting yourself and your family.
You can be strong and tired.
You can be deeply grateful and still find things hard.
You can love your family to bits and still need support.
Your partner can need support, and you can too. And we are here to offer that support. No judgement. No shame. Just honest, compassionate guidance for the whole family’s wellbeing.
And we know others equally keen to help! This includes Nigel Clarke, a father of three and the founder of Dadvengers, an inspiring organisation set up to support and champion fathers on their parenting journey through online community and in-person groups.
“No one hands you a manual when you become a dad, and it can feel like you're supposed to just get on with it,” Nigel tells us. “But let’s be real - the sleepless nights, the pressure, the changes - it’s a lot. Talking about it with other men, asking for help when you need it, and making space for your own needs doesn’t make you less of a dad. It makes you a stronger one.”
A Personal Note from Us
We’re not just sleep consultants. We’re wives, sisters, paediatric nurses, business partners - and mums to four each. We know the load dads carry. We’ve heard the silence and felt the resentment that comes from exhaustion. We’ve listened to dads share their lowest moments, and we are here for it all. We also have our resident male mental health and wellbeing expert, Andrew, who offers ‘Dad Check-Ins’ as part of our service to support tired parents.
To all the dads - we see you.
To the dads pacing the floor at night to give their partners some sleep, you matter.
To the dads feeling unsure about where to begin with sleep, you’re not alone.
You deserve rest. You deserve to feel supported. And we’d be honoured to walk this journey with you, should you need a hand. (And trust us, everyone needs a hand.)
If you’re feeling worn down, unsure how to help your baby sleep, or simply need someone to listen, we’re here.
There’s no shame in needing rest. No shame in finding it hard. And every bit of strength in choosing to reach out.
Your family needs the real you - the rested, supported, emotionally present you. We’re here to help you get there.
Need a place to start?
Tell us how old your little one is - and we’ll guide you from there.
With big love,
Eve & Gem x
Looking for support on your fatherhood journey? For support with sleep deprivation, visit Calm & Bright Sleep Support, or click here to discover expert advice and services offered by our charity partner, Tommy’s
